


Demise of an Umbrelala

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anal, Crack, Gen, M/M, Poetry, Porn, Pre-Slash, Sex, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-06
Updated: 2012-07-06
Packaged: 2017-11-09 07:06:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Sherlock have an action-packed day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Demise of an Umbrelala

**Author's Note:**

> We are not responsible for anything that's happened in this story.
> 
>  
> 
> We take crack requests/prompts! You can submit one to us at: consultingcrackaddicts.tumblr.com/ask  
> We'll post it on the blog and here on Ao3. :]

john was sittin on the couch typing real slow with two fingers.

“wat are u typing? ;)” sherlock asked john seductively raising an eyeborw.  
“Nothang Shurlak. just a peom to Jenny.” Sherlook peered over Jawns shouldeer to see tha poem.

boobiez r red

my balls r blue

Can we have dinner

So I can get inside u?

a loving peom by jooon ha mish watsoff

Sherlak would nevr tell, but he was so impressd by johns peotry. It maed his hert melted into a puddle, like playdoe stuck in a heater.  
“Shurelak,” He said to himslef, “Cleen up ur hart! >:(”  
“wat did u saey?” Aksed Jawn.  
“NOTHANFG” Said Sharlawked. he stamped off to make some tea. Then he did a pirouhette and went back because Shirlok doen’t make tee for no one!  
“JAWN. Make me some tea now.”  
“Shuuuurlawk,” John whined, “I’m trying to get some vagina rn!”  
Jon got up from da couch and went to da kitchan but was dssapointe to find out dat ther was no jam left.  
“surlek wurrs the jame?” He aksed.  
Shurlawk froze for a million years. He forgot hed used it all when he was rolling arown d in jawns bed earlier that day, rubbing it on hemslef an his cock.  
“sHERLOCK!!!1” john yelled “where’s my JAM?? D:” he said bitchily (which he cn do cause he’s played by morgan freeman]  
“I DOAN KNO” Sad shurladk. But as he turned away, he whispered “its in my pants still”. A single tear slid down his razor sharp check bonz. The tear also cried as it slid over his cheecz, becoz it got a papertcut becoz his check bons wurr SO sherp.  
b4 john could reply, lestroodal burst through the door with a ukuleal screeching “DANCANG QUEEN, YONG AND SWEAT, ONLY SEVENTEEEEEEN”  
“wtf” said Juan as he tossed his mac (macs suck) computer out tha windaw  
“wut r you doin her?” sherleck asked lestride, over the sqwauk of the mac (ew) landing on Mrs Hudson and her one hundred (and fifty three) boyfrends.  
“wait dont tell me,” sherly continued “did mycraft send ur/?”  
“Nooooo, I jus wanted to be one of the bois” Lestrad sead with a pout.  
“Ew, get out” Said Shuerlak, laughing.  
“U can’t talk to greeg like dat!” Said jon ,OUTRAGGED.  
“Huis greag???” Yelled Shorelick “  
“ugh haven’t we been over this in hounDs?” Asked John.  
“O I 4got.” Shed Surelaokc. “Hay Grag.”  
mycraft walked in twirling his umbrella dramatically “  
“GET DA FUQ OUT MIECIRAF!T” Yelled Shurleoalck, throwing Myincirafts umberallela into the fireplace.  
It exploded.  
“Lok(i’d!!!!) wat u did Shurleociokck?!” Yelled Mieucoft.  
“Is ur faolt for being fat you whore”  
“You’re the whore!”  
“He’s ryt sheueolelack, you are a cum lsut” said john helpfully.  
“THAT’S NOT HELFPUL JAWON!!” Screemed Sharlock.  
mycorft tried to began his sentence but was intuerupted by a gunshot hitting him in the shouldar.  
He cried and cried. “HOW WILL I HOLD A UMBROOLA NOW?!?!?!!?” He screeched, as laughter floated in thro da windows from a neighboring rooftop.  
“i’m SEBASTAI N MORAN MOTHERFUCKERS!!!11” he shouted.  
“FUQ U” Said Greig, leaning out the window to Seb but he laened too far and fell out. He didn’t die though becos he landed of Mrs Hudson.  
“sHUT UP ABOUT ROOFTAPS1 YOU KNOW I HAVE FALLAPHOBIA U DICK’ john screamed  
“john, no one said anything about rooft-”  
“SHH” john was close to tears  
“Wat is fallophobia?” Aked Greg nosily.  
“It mean i’m afred of falling off ting.” said John, collapsing into a sobbing mess on da couch.  
“SHHHHHH JAN, ITS OKAY.” Said Sherloc, running over and landing on john comfortingly.  
“Will you kiss it bettir sherly?” john asked lookng into his bright sparkling topaz eyez  
“UGH” shouted mycraomt “GET A ROOM” he left, slamming the door behind himself. a few moments later he returned and peeked his head in the door.  
“i think i forgot my umbrella”  
“no i threw it in the fire”  
“o.” he left again, slamming the door again, like a nigel no-manners.  
“What got up his butt? aksed Jon, not crying anymor.”  
“Not his umbrelala” Said shorlek.  
“oMG” Said jin/. He giggled becaus butts are gross.  
“R u ok now? :(” sherlawk asked john worried. he put his arm roudn him.  
“omg shirlack, r u hitting on me?!!?!?” Said John Sherlock looked confused. Greg looked confused. Sherlock lookded SCARED.

John new his seascret.  
“i don’t kno wut youre talkimg abuot” sherlilac told greg and jawn.  
“Either do I” said Greg. But I’ve got to go now, there has been some murders in the London.” And away he flew.  
“Tea John”? Asked Sherlock.  
“U NEVA MAKE ME TEA”. sed John. “Are you tryna get inTO MY BUTT?! ;---)))” He yelled arousingly. Sherlock attempted to hid his boner.  
“N-n-n-n-n-o-ono-no-!” Cried Sherlock. “I didn’t!” He sat down and put pillows in his lap to put his boner in so jogn wouldn’t see. haha.  
John ripped away the cushions, suspicieosus of a boner. Sherlock hid his boner in his lap top. Joan tossed it out the window (it werent a mac this time( (it landed on Mrs Hudson).  
“DON’T TRY TO HIDE YOUR HUMAN YOGERT SLINGER FROM ME SHURLACK!!!” Yelled John.  
Sherlock put his hands in his lap desperately.  
“I don’t knw what you’re talking about” The extremely handsome consulting detective said defensivelty. john dropped to his knees infront of sherlcock.  
“Chirlock. I have a girlfriend. But I wanna bone you and get boned by you. If you doant fell the same, we can walk away from dis and pertend it neva happand.”  
Sherlocke had teers in his i’s.  
suddenly sebastain mroan burst through the door like a cockblock and shouted, “i STOLE A TIME MACHINE AND SHOT JFK!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
“Shut up Seb,” said Jim, waltzing in. “Sorry, The kennedys was on after Doctor Who agen.”  
“sshh, jim i like it, D8’  
‘i think u had too much 2 drink, sebby” jim said and dragged him out of 221 bee  
“Phew” said john. “That was scary.”  
“Jawn I culd nevr loose you.” Said Sherloc, Eyes twinkling with Kawaii diamonds (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ.  
“Jonh cried and said “Me too Sharlock. I love you stupid sharp face and your secret boners and the way you hate everyone in a really really smart way.”  
“OH JONG” Shirlak cried.  
“MMM YEAH” Sed John. “get dat sherCOCK insidem of me!!!”

~SUDDENLY PRON~

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” cRIED sHERLOACK, squirting his sherload, as he came from John caming in his but.  
It was the best sex ever.  
“I love you so mcuh John, I should have said before.”  
“It’s okay now sherlock because I saqw your erection and I new.”  
Then they kissed for like ten hours while they fondled each others butts as the sun rised.  
The End. ☆*:.｡.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about that. Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated. 
> 
> Info regarding requests/prompts can be found at the top.


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